When I first wrote this post a couple years ago, I meant every word. Reading it now, I’m cringing. I would tell myself then to pick up a broom, open a recipe book and STHU.
What were everyday things to normal people were not normal to me. I realize I wrote this post not out of stubbornness, arrogance, or a pretentious guise too good to hold a toilet brush. It was written out of fear. Not fear to do the laundry, but fear of the life changes I was going through. The everyday things I thought I couldn’t handle were a ways fear was surfacing. I was dealing with issues- how I viewed the institution of marriage and losing my independence.
Somewhere down the line in the mind of Diana, there was a bad seed planted how marriage is a terrible thing and cleaning up after myself (like a respected human being) was somehow associated with being a bored housewife. Doing the dishes threw me in an anti-domestic frenzy and poor Scott had to listen to me lecture him on the downfall of what could have been my (now defunct) career. I couldn’t simply put soap and water on a dish to make life easier for both of us.
The idea of losing my independence over clean underwear is really hilarious, and sad. I know a lot of women commented on the post agreeing they felt the same way. I re-read their comments, and our lives were one in the same but at completely different. I didn’t choose growth like them. I chose fear and anxiety. I stayed the same for a couple years and hoped the life would change around my selfish agenda.
I may not have the same independence when I was single but I don’t miss it. And as crazy as it sounds, making a home for my family is the most exciting part of my day. I’m not a bored housewife, or bitter woman with nothing to do but online shopping (can I apply for this job?) but a fearless woman with a very happy home. Thankfully, life stayed the same, and yes, it is thrilling and exciting. There are trials like everything else in life, but it doesn't have to be a battle.